Saturday, June 25, 2011
So maybe I'm back maybe I'm not. I haven't decided yet. I feel like sometimes all this positivity shit drains my soul and only makes it more itchy when I see everyone around me doing the exact opposite. Life is for learning, Psych wards are for the insane. Sometimes I'm not sure where I belong, because I see all these crazy people around me, then I remember that majority rules...so then does that mean I'm the crazy one?
Who has these answers?
I've got questions.
Everyone always comes to me for advice and guidance.
What about me?
Who do I go to?
How can you hate something so much but never leave?
I've been on the corner of Writers Block and Carpal Tunnel Ave for months now, and I haven't even thought once about packing. I've lost my inspiration to be awkward. I'm not depressed, I'm something else.
It makes me sad when I open my eyes. I smile every time I blink, because of the split second getaway that I take from the madness. Our society has long been indoctrinated in backasswards thoughts. We are the blind being led by the silly and it hurts to watch. In no way am I saying I have all the answers, but through logic and deduction I've concluded that we are on the wrong path. And in the words of the fat lady with the two kids in the tv store from Bad Boys II, "You muthafuckas need jesus!" and I don't mean that in a religious way. I mean it in a deeper "please follow your heart" kinda way. But I often ask myself what does that shit even mean?? I been on this positivity rant all through out this damn blog and I have to ask myself sometimes what the fuck? This shit sounds pretty and all, but what does it even mean. Is it the fluff in a poem?
Is it "her eyes were like a street light"?
Is it all just bullshit?
I'm asking myself these questions each time I've logged onto this account and considered writing a new post. I'm pretty positive that I write from a pure place in my heart. I don't do this to become famous, honestly I don't even like people. I find them to be very annoying when in groups. Group think for those of you who don't know, is when your ideas come from a collective instead a singular thought process. Do not confuse this with brainstorming, or the idea that two heads are better than one. Group think is what starts witch hunts (or I guess the 2011 version would be a Bin Laden hunt...). It's normally when you have a group of people who have just been tramuatized in some way or the other and they're all looking for answers. And they find the odd ball who looks suspicious because they dress differently and don't believe in the same god. And one person out of the group yells "burn that witch!!" or "hang the nigger!!" or "bombs over bagdad!!" (I'm sorry that last one was actually Andre 3000). That's when I don't really care for people. Because thinking on your own is fundamental. The weak minded tend to lean on groups when it comes to decision making because they aren't able willed enough to do it themselves. And it's easy not to think. Thought causes sweat sometimes, people don't like working at shit. Which is the reason the music that plays on the radio is so watered down and mushy. We're like old people with no teeth, we need our information pre chewed and liquidy for us to digest it. And for those of us who still read books or write with pens, we look like the crazy ones. Because I don't say "lol" in verbal conversation. I know several people who actually say "lols" instead of laughing. Shit ain't healthy! But this is the world we live in...Brain function is frowned upon. And I become more uninspired everyday. Many of you who don't actually know me in person might find it rather hard to believe, but I'm very much a pessimist. I have very little faith in the human condition. I'm not the person who believes in happy endings, sometimes babies just die. I surround myself with positive people because I do believe in balance. Most of my relationships are like Bruce Willis and Samuel Jackson in "Unbreakable"...
Eh...But this is me losing focus again. Don't hold your breathe in hopes of my next post because I'm not promising anything. If the urge grabs a hold of me then sure. But these days the platypus patch needs new coats of paint and there's a bug problem in the basement. I'm not sure when I'll be back.
Listen more to the inside voices than the outside ones, signing off
till next time
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